Societal Etiquettes & Customs

Making sense of ta'aruf, greetings, dress code, hospitality, table manners and the country's famously complicated bureaucracy.

Iranian civilisation is one of the oldest in the world, so it inevitably has customs and etiquettes that may seem strange at first. A little familiarity goes a long way towards settling in and avoiding awkward moments.

Ta’aruf

One of the most striking customs is ta’aruf — a complex form of ritual politeness built on a series of exchanges and gestures. One person insists on offering something, such as a gift or a service, and the recipient politely declines several times before finally accepting.

Being on the receiving end of such compliments and courtesy can be very pleasing at first, but you soon realise that many people make these gestures out of habit and tradition rather than sincere intent. A typical example is paying for goods: once the cashier has worked out the cost, they may say “qaabil nadarad” — literally “it’s not worth it.” To the uninformed this sounds like an offer of the goods for free, but it is only a verbal formality, and the correct response is to insist on paying by saying “befarmayeed.”

You will meet such moments throughout everyday life in Iran, so it helps to learn to navigate the ta’aruf and avoid potential mistakes and embarrassment.

Greetings

Iranians typically greet one another with “Salaam” rather than the full “al-Salaamu Alaykum” and “Alaykum al-Salaam” that many Muslims are used to. They may also use the Farsi equivalent of “Good morning”, “Good afternoon” or “Good evening”. This is usually accompanied by a medium-grip handshake, or by placing a hand on the chest and bowing very slightly as a mark of respect. Unlike the Arab tradition, embracing and exchanging kisses on the cheek or shoulder is generally reserved for family members or very close friends.

All of these customs, of course, apply between people of the same gender, as both law and tradition forbid physical contact between non-related men and women. When parting, Khuda Hafiz (may God protect you) is the most common way to say goodbye.

It is customary to address people with formal titles, even in informal gatherings or among friends and colleagues. Men are addressed as Agha (Mr) and women as Khanom (Mrs), followed by the surname — for example, Agha Tabatabai or Khanom Beheshti. If you do not know the surname, Agha or Khanom on its own is perfectly acceptable, as in Salaam Agha. Titles can also follow a first name to signal a closer relationship while still showing respect: a man might be called Ali Agha and a woman Fatemah Khanom. Addressing someone by their first name alone is really only for family or very close friends. It is worth noting that many Iranian surnames reflect a family’s home city or region — someone named Tehrani, for instance, likely has ancestors from Tehran.

Dress code

Because so many cultures have influenced Iran and Qum, you will see men wearing a range of clothing styles. Scholars usually wear the traditional abaa and kaba with a turban, while seminary students are expected to wear long-sleeved, loose-fitting clothes and to refrain from western dress such as jeans, suits and t-shirts in public. Wearing shorts in public is not permitted.

A common item in a seminary student’s wardrobe is the collarless talabeh (hawzah student) shirt. These, and other suitable clothing, can be bought from the Saheb al-Zaman Shopping Mall.

Women, as expected in an Islamic environment, are required to observe the Islamic dress code and to wear the hijab at all times. Outdoors, many women wear a black chador — a large piece of cloth that covers the head and body — and when visiting the holy shrine, wearing a chador is mandatory as a sign of respect.

Hospitality

Iranians have a strong culture of hospitality and treat guests with great warmth and generosity. Inviting people over for a meal or tea is a common tradition, and hosts often go to great lengths to make sure their guests are comfortable and well fed. Guests customarily bring a gift for the host, such as a box of sweets, to show their appreciation.

On arrival, guests are typically given a warm welcome and offered refreshments such as tea or a cold drink. It is considered polite to accept, even if you do not intend to drink it. The host may then make conversation, asking about your well-being, family and other matters. Their friendliness and curiosity can sometimes feel like an intrusion, as the questions — especially to those from the West — can seem very personal. There is no need to take offence; you can instead delicately side-step anything you would rather not answer.

It is customary to offer guests a generous spread of food, often including traditional dishes such as rice, stews, kebabs and bread. Hosts commonly insist that guests take seconds or even thirds, and refusing can be seen as impolite. Guests are expected to show respect and gratitude often and to compliment the food — phrases like “daste shoma dard nakoneh” (may your hands not hurt) express appreciation for the hospitality received. The host will usually respond modestly, as if it were no trouble at all.

Table etiquette

Iranian table etiquette reflects the values of hospitality, respect and community, rooted in the country’s cultural and religious heritage. Meals are traditionally served on a sofreh — a large cloth spread on the floor — though tables and chairs are common in modern settings. Seating is usually arranged to maintain proper hijab, often meaning the separation of men and women. Food is served family-style, with large communal dishes placed in the centre so everyone can help themselves. It is polite to wait for the host to begin, although they will invariably insist the guests start first.

A notable difference from Western food culture is the use of utensils. Iranians mainly use a spoon and fork for the main meal, and knives are rarely seen at the table except for cutting fruit. Some foods are wrapped in bread and eaten by hand — and, following Islamic etiquette, the right hand is used for eating.

When passing dishes, it is customary to use the right hand or both hands, as the left hand is considered impolite. It is also polite to take a portion and then pass the dish on to the next person. At the end of the meal, thank the host again and say how much you enjoyed the food. Helping to clear the table is another sign of appreciation and respect, though the host may insist you relax and enjoy the hospitality.

Bureaucracy

Iran is well known for its excessively complicated administrative procedures — challenging not only for foreigners but for locals too. Government offices, often spread across several locations, handle a myriad of tasks such as issuing permits, licences and official documents. The paperwork can be extensive, and the need for multiple stamps and signatures from different departments adds to the time and effort involved.

The influence of local customs and personal relationships cannot be underestimated — knowing the right person can significantly speed up a process that might otherwise drag on. Despite efforts to modernise and digitise some services, many procedures still rely heavily on physical paperwork and in-person visits, which can be time-consuming and frustrating. The indirect language style, ta’aruf and a generally laid-back attitude also mean Iranians can take a while to get to the point, so even simple tasks can seem to take far longer than expected.

One stark difference from what many western students are used to is the expectation that you chase up your own paperwork, rather than assuming it will be handled once it is handed over. This has led to many students experiencing delays in their administrative work, and on occasion even significant financial loss.